Upside down....

So I heard this quote just a little bit ago. Well, not really a quote; a story. But, I made a quote from it, and I think it perfectly applies to me right now.

A science experiment made people see the world upside down for 3 day. Then it reversed, and took 3 more days to go back to normal. All the while, they had to realize things weren't what they seemed. I've taken it a little personally with right now.

'After your world gets turned upside down

It'll take some time before things return to normal again....'

For me, that says that this life I'm caught in is going to seem so very confusing for a time, as now things are trying to reset once again (unsuccessfully, because I keep fighting it, however :/ ). But, it'll take time, and as far as I can see, it'll take just about as long as it seemed like upside down was normal (rightside up, not backwards, etc...). I'm not at all thrilled about this at all. I don't want that time to be lost to me. But, to be honest, there isn't much to do right now. Each day is the same: trying to survive the chances that I can't carry on.

I'm not sure how long it'll take, or if things will go back to what they were. Maybe this is how things are supposed to be, and my view has already gone back to rightside up. I don't really know. It's confusing, yes.

Don't be afraid of change. After you get used to something, and it leaves, you have to get used to life without it. Don't worry; things get to a better spot and they aren't always so distressing. Just give it time.

Love always, no matter how badly you've been hurt, and you'll always have something to smile for.

A New Beginning: The Birth of Spring

So this is just a glimpse at the warm season we've got coming
But, it's all I need :)

So temperatures seems to be warming up here in Kaysville, almost to the point that I feel comfotable in shorts outisde :) Can't wait to be able to dress like I'm ready to just relax outside again. Well, let's just day this, I'm so glad to have the warm season come back around again. Anyone agree?

Plus, the warm rain, the sunshine, and all the green?! It just adds to the good feelings that come during the warmer days. I look forward to getting pictures of budding trees and longer days, starry skies and relaxing in the grass.... Oh, I've missed the warmth so much and I'm glad it's back. However, it means we leave behind the past winter, and with it, it almost feels like a new year altogether. I'm glad for that, but at the same time, I'm going to miss what the cold brought me just months ago: more love of photography, my musical inspiration, and that old feeling of childhood memories.

I'm happy to see the sunshine and feel that heat, but at the same time, it means leaving behind those past few months. It means working towards something new, and often better in my opinion. We'll just have to see what the new year brings, then :/

Don't forget to let yourself enjoy the season. There's plenty of time to work and get things done. just let allow yourself that time to find peace and comfort.

Never lose your belief or your joy! :)

The Beauty in Music

So I'm really big in music right now, and i realize that you guys may not be big on music tips, but here are some that i think you guys will totally understand

Music is a Reflection of Life

      Our emotions are so heavily influenced by everyday actions and things we get to everyday. yes, We never actually realize it, but even music is a huge factor in how we feel everyday. Certain styles help add to our mood, some songs bring back personal, past emotions. It's the nature of music to help us feel, and it effects our lives so easily that we feel it so close to our hearts and souls.
       It's never easy to feel that certain music can hurt us: sometimes we feel like there are songs that bring back pain, some songs that bring back childhood memories and happy times. Music is so easily part of our lives and we don't realize how strong it is.

The Gift of Sound

      I love the way things sound. I could play piano for hours on end if I could because I just love how many melodies can just dance through my brain. Musicians are so great and plentiful that we can find so many styles and genres and types that we can find anything to fit us.
      Sound is a wonderful thing! Imagine if you could never hear anything at all... How would you feel without that basic thing that we don't realize? How would it feel to not hear music, or listen to a loved-ones voice, or hear the summer crickets? I can say that, if I didn't have that wonderful feeling of noise, I could never live the same ever again. I love sound too much to ever give it up. If I go deaf, let me die, because i will never be able to live without that wonderful gift! I'm too happy with it to ever give it up.

Little Blessings

     Consider the way you feel everyday. What makes you feel this way? What causes you to feel joy or sadness; to smile or cry; to feel playful or solemn? Music can do this, as well as anything else that meets us during the day. Music has so much to offer, and people don't realize how great it is
     Think about your music for a moment. How does it make you feel to listen to that music, those songs? Any song can help you feel something more than you think. Enjoy those sounds, because they are so precious. I know I would give anything if i couldn't hear so that I could, even for one day.

Until then, Thank you and enjoy your days. I hope you all find what you want in your music.

Thought of the Week- "Don't Look Back"

So, since my relationship has kinda fallen apart, I'm moving on to new things. Better things, I hope.... But my heart is still bound to that place in my past. True, it hasn't been long yet, but I figure that I'd known it was coming, so I shouldn't be so inhibited by that dark, twisted feeling. So, I searched for hours about good quotes and how to move on easily. None of it sounded like fun (or easy for that matter) but it was all exactly what I needed.

This one stuck out the most; when we start to move on, we find it hard to really leave that behind, back in the past where it belongs. Many look back and the "yesterdays" that they had, trying to remember those good feelings and the happiness they felt. That's okay, but if you need that, it becomes a crutch. We have to move on, and to do that we need to not look back and the past and leave it there to be only a memory.

It isn't east. Moving on takes a long time, and it is built up everyday by the little things that we do. I would urge everyone to look to the future with open eyes and open minds, believing that there is something better coming. It may take years to find it, but there is always a brighter side to this life. It may be hard to find, but it will come.

If you've been hurt, move on. If they didn't care then, they won't now. Push forward and find that "better tomorrow."

P.S. To be honest, these posts are as much for me as for you all, my readers. I'm dealing with the same things. Hell, I'm 17, so I know exactly how it feels to fall in love, and then to have to climb back up from the bottom. But I need these words as much as you do, maybe more, because I'm still hurting too... And maybe I just need to hear what no one will say

Life Lessons and Jenga

So, this is a little knew for a post on the blog. I didn't want to make this about spiritual experiences, or the fact that God has our lives figured, but today's moments have led me to see that this is the most important thing I have ever learned in my life. The sum of all grace in one, definite moment. I still tremble, hours later, and I can't explain the joy that it has brought me.

My relationship, this life that I've pursued for so much time now, has come to a close. It was completely mutual, and though it wasn't what I wanted, it's exactly what I needed. I didn't realize it at the time, but I'm glad that it happened. If it hadn't, I would still be hung up on that. Now's when I have to heed my own advice, deal with that 'rejection' of sorts, and move on with my life. But to the point!

Jenga is a simple game. It's all about moving wooden blocks around so that the tower stays intact as you try to build off of it. This can be referenced with our lives. While playing this game today, I realized that it is so easy for it to fall apart, just like life; we are constantly making decisions, some that have no risk, others that could influence the rest of our life. If we make the wrong one, even if we don't know for sure why we are making that choice, we can make our lives completely fall apart in one instant. Similarly, the tower may stand on only two blocks, and if one wrong move is made, the fragile structure comes tumbling down. My life was like that until now: anything could set me over the edge and I would have no clue how to help put it back together after that. But, what I didn't see where all the other people and all of the tools I had to help me know what to do and how to keep myself together.

I'm not saying that to figure out life you need to have a strong Come-to-Jesus moment, but for me it made all the difference. In everyday life, simple choices can have a big impact; not every decision will make or break our future, but many of those crucial moments can never be re-written. Once the dice are cast, there is no taking back that throw. But, we don't have to leave our lives to chance. We are in control of our destiny, and whatever higher power you believe in, be it a God, a Spirit, or some Force that helps guide and control life, it is there for you to hold to and be invested in. The Holy Spirit has shown me that light, and, though I feel that I was too far lost, I have been saved from that darkness. My trials are not over, but I'm coming out of that depression and sadness, and I'm open to the new choices that I have.

Do not leave your life up to one moment of chance. You have so much personal power! Be invested in that and you will find strenghts that you did not know you had access too. 'Often in times of greatest trial or opposition is when we see in ourselves the greatest amount of change.' I have no clue who said that, but it has stuck with me for so long. What it means is far beyond me, besides that we will find great change after we work to get through those dark times.

The tower of your life is made with the decisions that you make. Don't leave your life in someone else's hands. Only you can decide what you want to make of yourself. Never forget the powers that have been given to you in this life. You will find that, no matter how hard life gets, there is always a brighter end coming.

Trust in thyself and thy belief and you will find yourself stronger than anything that come at you.

How long would you wait?

Right now, I'm just sitting in my kitchen, looking out at the winter wasteland I call home while listening to A Thousand Years, covered by Megan & Liz and Paradise Fears, two of my most favorite groups. I'm in love with the sound of them, and Liz and Sam's voices just blend so well together that I had to find a download of the song so I could use it for this post, but then it won't let me add sound files, so it was just a problem that I'll just let die. If you don't know the song, find it! Then you'll totally understand this post.

So, the point right now is that love takes it's time. It isn't quick, and it isn't painless, though many of us would hope that it would just come and leave as easily as the seasons do. But, at the same time, our lives are so short and often so short-lived that we often don't find all the answers to the questions that we have everyday. I find that, no matter how many answers I get, I just have more questions that burn my mind. Right now, the main question is on patience and waiting.

How long can we safely wait for something, but not feel like we have put everything on hold for that one person? I wonder, in my life, if this patient and slow road is the right way to go. I'm not sure that either way would have made much of the difference in my life three months ago when this event started, but now... when I've held back my life for this one person for so long.... How long is long enough? When do we move on?

The answer has come plain and simple: once it isn't worth the time- that is to say, when you feel hurt by it more than you feel joy from it. Now yes, we may say that we would wait for that one, right person for forever, but it isn't realistic. Life isn't going to agree with that fairytale-romance. Eventually, we all have to get on with life, and by waiting for love to finally find us, we just hurt ourselves even more by trying to keep that painful, agonizing hurt close to our hearts.

I'm not saying that you can't wait. Your life is whatever you want it to be. But, not always is what you think you need what you actually do. Sometimes, we need to let go and move our lives towards the next experience. If it does take a lifetime to forget the hurt and pain, then why not move towards the next moment where things get better?

Whatever you choose, I wish you all the luck in everything and anything you do. Don't let anyone, ANYONE, decide for you. Make your life what you want it. If you want to wait for that perfect person, then do it. Have no regret in that choice.

Peace and love to all <3

Thought of the Week- 'Only a Lifetime'

It's that time again! I'm so glad to be putting up another quote :) This one is featuring some of my photography edited with this awesome software. I love the turnout, and I hope you guys agree.

So, the theme right now, as it is the season, has shifted towards Love. It's a subject that we all hate to address cause it can bring up some pent-up resentment or ills towards some of those around us. Case and point, no matter what happens, or how you've been hurt, it won't matter later on in life anyway. Why should anyone- even those close to you- inhibit your ability to love and be loved? It's just plain stupid.

My focus in my life right now is on a certain someone. Needless to say, I feel like I'm a side-character in the novel of their life. It's almost like I'm just something to fill the time. It's a nasty feeling, and it tends to bring increased stress and problems. Well, two nervous breakdowns and some tears later, I've decided to confront the problem all together. But, this isn't all about me, and it isn't about how the problems happen. This post is about how to conquer them with as little trouble as possible.

We all will have problems and complications in life- I guarentee it. Perhaps you come from a split-family and it makes commitment an issue to believe in; maybe you've been hurt by everyone around you, even the people you trusted more than anyone, and now you feel like no one cares; or you just feel so alone that you have no where and no one to turn to for help. Love is an escape from that. But, in a way, we need rescue from love, too, if we aren't careful...

Love is hard to deal with, yes. Its a fickle sword that sometimes bites back when we least expect it. People we trusted proved to be wrong for us and they hurt us when we didn't think it was possible. It'll happen, and I'm sorry to say that it's a fact of life. It's bound to happen, and not just once. But, those people, it will take the rest of your LIFE to get over them and forget how badly you were hurt by them. I'm not saying never fall in love and don't search for the one you want to be with, but I am saying that you have to be oh so careful with your heart; once it gets broken, it's nearly impossible to put back together, and there will always be a hole where they where in your heart.

Until that day, when you are hurt beyond repair, live life to the fullest, as if you've never been hurt before. You will be so much happier if you only try to smile away the pain and blink back the tears. Those times will pass, I promise.

Peace and happiness to everyone <3

From Camera to Canvas

Alright, so I haven't forgotten the original purpose of this blog, which is sharing my art and being able to have a place where people can see the work that I do. Yes, I love the whole sappy-love stuff, the quotes and advice, but it's also important to show my work.

I've loved photography for years, and I'm just getting back into using my camera more often. Here are just a couple shots that I've snapped over the past few months

Sunrise (summer clouds)

Frigid Beauty (a tree near my house)

  

An Ocean View (Santa Monica Beach, Cali)



Yes, these are just simple shots, nothing cool. I'll post those later (; But here's my pride. The piece is titled Fractured. It's a black canvas of tempera with mirror fragments over the top. For me, it symbolized the fact that my life as I knew it was drawing to an end, the reality that was so dark underneath finally coming to full light. It's a hard fact, but I'm living with it. My art is my release... It is how I find beauty in a life full of pain.

Fractured

I love art, and this is just a sample of what you guys will be seeing if you visit, in addition to the fun little quotes and life tips and lessons. This blog is as much about life as it is art, and the lessons I've found through all the tears and pain.

 

Til next time, peace and love to all! <3

The Heart of Communication

I've thought a lot recently about communication and how we talk with those close to us. What happened to conversation and phone calls? There nearly non-existant nowadays. In the mass of texts, IM, Facebook, Twitter... Even blogging! we seem to have lost that real communication.

When was the last time you had a heart-to-heart conversation with someone close to you? When did you call someone you care about but can't see cause they are too far or they just weren't there? In this age of technology and instant relpy, we seem to have lost the fundamentals that have made us who we are. Socially, people are inhibited by the fact that they do nothing but rely on technology.

I personally miss long conversations that could take hours over the phone, or in person, as they have now been replaced by a mass of bits and characters.

So think about how you communicate your love to those around you. If they really matter, can't you tell them that in person? Try being a person, not just the controller for a change. It's better to see their face when you tell them something like that :)

All a Matter of Time

So, unless you've just joined up reading, I think you've realized that Quotes are kinda big for me. So, every week, I think I'll be posting up a picture with some inspirational saying, probably something more to help me, but also for you all to understand why this is so important.

Life is never very straight forward; it twists and turns, often in directions that we didn't think could be possible at the time. Many times in our lives, surprises will find us, no matter how figured-out we think it may be. I'm just fully realizing this myself...

Worrying about life is one of the worst things we can do. If builds up fear and depression, and it often leads to closing ourselves off from those who want to help us see how full and wonderful life can be. Besides, if you worry about every little thing that crosses your way, you'll be left with nothing in your past but a bunch of fears and tears.

Everything comes at it's own pace and in it's own way. We may want things to come to us when we think it should, or maybe we expect that things will naturally just be what we want. This is not true; we have so little power over our lives, especially when it come to others. That fact has scared me for the past three months. Until now, I didn't even think about it like that. I just kept hoping for the hopless, foolishly blind to truth and reason. After stepping back, breathing in fresh air and thinking it over, I've realized that I've been wrong ever since I started this venture.

Everything comes in a matter of time. It may take days, years, even a lifetime for things to become what we want of them. But, if it's meant to happen, it will. Just because it takes some time to come along doesn't mean it never will. It just isn't time for it yet. There are still other things that have to be realized first.

Don't worry about it. Just let yourself enjoy what you have, and be open to what will come. you'll never know how happy it will make you when it actually does become yours ;)

A Bit of Inspiration...

Well, no sense in not starting off with something to make the people think :)

Life right now is kinda like a coin. It has two sides, there are two ways to look at who we are, and there are two different options can be taken to develope choices.

A great man said, "Do we live to die, or do we live to be alive?" Right now, my life is on hold for someone. I've let myself wait out months of pain and rage and suffering in order to try and work with this possibility. Personally, I want to follow the path of holding on to that hope and that desire, on the off chance that things work out; 'It gets better.' That's what I've been hoping for.

But recently, a close friend of my has helped me look at that other perspective for a moment, to see if from another light. 'Sometimes there are situations where you need to learn to see what's wrong and say enough is enough,' she said. I understand where she's coming from; this venture isn't exactly smart, and it isn't going anywhere very fast. It's not healthy for me, as it has taken control of my mind and my heart. Maybe I am wrong, but I do see that I'm settling for something that isn't helping me or my intrests.

I've been searching for anwers for years now about who I am supposed to be. I've never really found a solid path that made the most sense to me at all. I really want to understand, but to know everything as I wish I could, I would have to be dead, and that is far down on the list of things I need to do. So I have to wait anyway, but maybe not for everything.

"Knowing isn't as important as the process of discovering." We all have a journey in life, a path we have to follow, and mine is only begun. We all need to allow life to continue, even if it means leaving behind some of the things that we may want. There are other chances, other times, other people. Not everything has to be realized now.

You shouldn't give up, but don't go on waiting forever.

The Artist